Your time on earth is limited so don’t go wasting it living someone else’s life. Of course you won’t admit to living someone else’s life, the same as you don’t want to talk about your death, but you will die, no one has ever escaped it. It’s the one destination we all share, even those who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. But this is the way of life and nature, the new always comes through and clears out the old. Right now you and I are the new, but someday we will be the old; if we are lucky enough to make it that far. So why not be what you want to be starting today, instead of becoming a mere shadow on someone else’s life.
Maybe a regular reminder of your impending death will be the tonic to spur you on to finally make the lifestyle changes you so desperately want. I know it works for me. I no longer feel the need that I have to please everybody and forfeit what I want to do and who I want to be. Was it difficult? Yes, very much so, but change is always tough at the begining. I was in danger of becoming a please-aholic for the rest of my days, constantly putting others first and not wishing to rock the boat. I would always sacrifice my feelings, even for those that didn’t treat me right in the first place.
So why the hell do so many of us live our lives as please-aholics? Simply looking for constant approval and thinking we can ignore our desires to please others. Because guess what? The sad truth is no matter what you do for some people it will never be enough. You must come to this realisation sooner rather than later, because your efforts will be in vain. That much I do know.
Many of us are exposed to negative settings, with or without knowing it, then we find ourselves over compensating by trying to obtain others approval, especially from those who try to make us feel inferior.
It’s important for us all to apply ourselves, with everything we have, every day, but we must channel our efforts for the right cause. And of course being loving, kind and a good friend requires us to sometimes do things in life we don’t really want to do, but when you find it’s all one way traffic you should really start questioning the relationships you have.
When you’re constantly trying to please others in the hope of being accepted, you lose your self-worth in the process. As simple as it sounds, to help yourself you have to be yourself. As Goethe wrote, ‘Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.’ You are important, your well being matters most. For how can you love others effectively when you are not mentally and physically at your best?
Next time you find yourself in danger of becoming a please-aholic take a step back and stand up for yourself. Be the best person you can possibly be without being rude or arrogant. Life should be a win-win affair if those that care for you really care for you and you in turn care for them.
If there are those that don’t agree with you it’s not the end of the world, just make and maintain the commitment of being your own person. You don’t have to be trapped by others way of thinking, always hoping for constant approval. You don’t have to let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your inner voice. You have as much right as the next person to live life on your terms.
To conquer your world you must take this first step in self-mastery and believe in yourself, life’s far too short not to.
Good luck 🙂
Post by Mark Weeks